As Moon to Earth to Women... the constant fluidity of influence is felt between Grandmothers, Mothers and their Daughters, even if not consciously recognized in the moment.

No matter what kind of women we grew up with, how can we now sort through our lineage and cultivate loving appreciation for our predecessors and future generations on Purpose, with deliberate intention that's in alignment with our unique Soul's Mission?

Obviously, this endeavor will be as varied as there are flowers in the world... but I'll share some of what I've done to spark your own flaire of inspiration painted with your own heart...

1) I acknowledge and honor my human experience and feel all my feelings to the Other Side, inviting Divine Love to heal the wounded places deep within... this is an actual meditative process that can be done solo and/or with a healer...

2) I decide how I want to feel about myself, my life, my mom and my grandmothers... I decide what kind of woman I wanna be now... what kind of woman, daughter, mother, and grandmother I choose to be now...

3) I ask myself to see through the eyes and heart of Source as often as possible and relate to Mom at her Soul level, her Soul that remembers Source and all that was before Earth life... this is a meditative process, and/or a shamanic journeying experience...

4) I ask Spirit for dreams to heal and support me and do the dreamwork when they come... I used to have a lot of nightmares from not-mom traumas, but I did the dreamwork to heal them. Nightmares, though awful, can be healing portals if we invite Spirit to help us do the work and get the outside support we need. My mom and grandparents have come to me in dreams to offer support, healing and guidance.

5) I go back in time as far as possible to gain perspective, compassion and appreciation for their survival so that I could be here today (loving my own children and grandchildren as I do)... I develop my capacity for compassion for their human experiences of being females in this world during their eras of birth... how they were influenced by their predecessors and back and back and back I go... through this meditative process I intentionally embark on a sorting mission... I sort through my ancestors eras, the lives and challenges they must have faced... their qualities as humans... did they have grit? Did they have resilience? Did they have spiritual gifts they used or buried? They all survived long enough that my unique flavor of humanity was born... how did they manage to do it? Did they survive fears, traumas and dangers? Did they develop kindness and compassion or remain blinded by their fears? As I ask questions and sort through qualities, I decide what I want to keep and what I want to compost... I chose to keep my mom's laughter, love for reading and education, devotion to family, but I decided to compost her religion-influenced fears... just as an example. I respect my ancestors ability to survive in a world era I never had to face, I appreciate their roles in my life and I have compassion for thier traumas just as I have compassion for my own. This is a meditative process and/or shamanic journeying process...

6) I set the boundaries I feel safe setting and I get the support I need to hold the line and keep evolving in loving appreciation for my own life in my own lane... this could be coaching, thought work, friendships, books, shamanic bodywork, and more...

7) I focus my energy on my own Soul's Purpose, my own evolvement as a human, my own personal values, and my own creative expressions...

8) I choose to pass on a legacy of love, healing and wisdom to my family by example... and words when it feels right ;-) ...I forgive myself for my imperfections and find my way back to loving more...

I think I have a uniqe insight to what's possible for Mother-Daughter connections that could help people that want to prioritize healing this relationship within themselves.

My mom died when I was 15 years old. She was almost 39.

I remember thinking that I didn't want to live the rest of my life without her; that's way too long.

Her death was also a sudden, shocking trauma that I'm still navigating through today.

Her death (or her being dead) is exactly like Life; blessings and challenges, lessons and lesions, pros and cons... how could it be any other way?

How did I cultivate a lineage of loving appreciation on purpose? It started with my experience of my mother's life... and her spirit after her death.

I feel blessed because she died before I got my driver's license and so basically I never hit a phase of arguing with her nor rebelling against her nor her rules nor expections nor demands; she was instead one of my best friends on Earth. I loved her with all I had. (pic below from 11mo before her death)

I choose to remember and focus on the benefits of her way of being... how I'm benefited now by my experiences of her.

I have ALWAYS felt her spirit love me and accept me with absolutely no exceptions, no conditions.

When she was alive, she was limited in her perception as all of us humans are, so she had fears, traumas, and insecurities that may have made her behave in ways that felt controlling or judgemental or aggressive to others, but not me because I just didn't experience that part of her humanness while she was here.

My mother, in her life and in her death, gifted me with many experiences of love, joy, peace, celebration, playfulness, humor, laughter, compassion, acceptance, curiosity, exhuberance, grief, despair, sorrow, solice and more... She cultivated a loving relationship with me that I chose to then cultivate with my own family. I appreciate all her traumas and gifts, her legacy I cherish.

As an adult, I have had many friends and clients with very complicated and deeply painful relationships with their mothers. These conversations always make me feel SO grateful for my relationship with my mom which feels so supportive to me and never judgy, but my heart aches for my friends and clients who feel a big gaping hole of something missing in their lives... a loving, accepting mother-daughter relationship.

I don't always succeed in my efforts in the moment, but I do have a strong determination and life goal to release my own triggers and come back to the legacy and lineage of loving my children and allowing them to live their own lives on their own terms.

And at some point as adults, we have to come to the same realization for our mothers, too, if we want to have a different experience of being in relationship with them, even if only in our own coherent minds and hearts.

As hard as we might even try, we do NOT know all the details of their Soul's Purpose for being here on Earth at this time nor do we know why they need to experience the things they do or be the way they are in any particular moment.

It's our choice to grant them the same freedom we desire; to live our own lives the way we want to without any interference nor judgment from them.

They don't have to reciprocate, but we then get to decide how we want to proceed.

I have often suggested to my friends they consider relating to their mom's Soul rather than their human form. This might sound weird, difficult or even wrong to some people... I accept that.

But the only reason to keep Mom on the hook is because there's something within ourselves and our current lives that we reject and blame Mom for creating. This feels like an energy of unforgiveness, blame or resentment. Nobody genuinely enjoys experiencing these feelings!

It's important to feel our feelings all the way through to the Other Side, inviting Spirit to heal those places deep within.

Self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-love in it's highest form, heals us and our lineage.

I never suggest people stay in actual contact with genuine abuse towards them (from anyone)! You cannot forgive and build a new relationship in trust while the abuse is still occurring!

But in our mind's eye we can find their Soul and begin to realize that when Mom dies she returns to Source and heals all the wounds Earth life inflicted upon her... she will see the Truth of Life and all things, including YOU and your perfection "as-is" according to Source's perspective.

I still have a dad! And I've used my suggestion for my friends in my relationship with my dad (and step mom)... I KNOW, I have absolutely ZERO doubts that when they die they will release life's judgements and see me through the perception of Source as I will be able to see them clearly when I die... so why suffer now in my thinking about what they might be thinking of me? I actually love my relationship with them now as an adult. They're a genergous-hearted, thoughtful, adventurous couple! As a teenager, I didn't even look for those parts of them! But what's most important for me to notice here is that I know my own life and traumas so I have compassion for myself even if I experience them or someone else not understanding me in some way. How could they possibly know the depths of me when they don't live in my body!?! I take them off the hook!

I ask myself this and I can't think of a good reason to suffer now just cuz we're here and can't see God's perspective... yet (nor each others' in some cases).

Instead I think of myself as if I had passed and had been shown the whole truth of their lives, their psyches, their feelings... how they might be when it's all washed away at death's door and Heaven's Gate... the love I feel for them is ever-expansive and eternal. I have developed massive compassion for them as human beings doing the best they can with what they were given and what they've got now... as I have also granted myself this grace.

Why?

Because the unconditional love of my mom's presence, because of random angels healing me at various times, because of my grandparents loving gestures in their spirit forms, because of my experiences with the Big JC... because SO many experiences with the Other Side of the veil I can't see through with my physical eyes... these experiences have let me know we are ALL loved and accepted with open arms. No exceptions!

I really do believe that life is really hard, no matter what cards you've been dealt. We were all born with this emptiness deep within, that bottomless well only God can fill; feeling seperate from Source is our deepest abyss that only deveolping a personal relationship with Source on the daily can replenish... Mom may not have realized this and may never acknowledge it in this life.

But you do.

We cannot force our mothers to learn, heal or grow one tiny little bit, but we can acknowledge how painful and traumatic life can be when we have obviously forgotten everything from before we were born and are left with this aching craving for Source's presence. We can't make their choices for them any more than we want them to make our choices for us. We all want freedom. We all want peace. We all want our loved ones to be happy... all the frickin' time! But that's not how Life works.

I believe our souls came here to evolve in some way I cannot possibly fully understand right now.

So with our faith in our hearts...

It's possible to say, "I love you, and...if you verbally, emotionally, or physically abuse me I'm gonna leave. We can try again another day, or not." (Because you know when all is said and done for this life, the Afterlife will heal us all of our human wounds)...

We could be more specific, like, "If you call me names, I'm out."

"If you don't feel you can learn to trust me (with my own adult decions or whatever), then we may need to discuss next steps, if any, for our relationship."

"If you choose to continue to blame me for your choices then perhaps reality has left the building and I should, too..."

If you set a boundary and Mom thinks it's "selfish" well, she of course is entitled to her opinion and you of course are entitled to leave the room, the call, etc...

We can help our loved ones, our mothers, with our UNCONDITIONAL love. Unconditional meaning, they do NOT have to change in order for you to love them and send loving energy to them. That does not mean allowing yourself to be abused... because you get to love you, too, unconditionally.

To deeply accept yourself even when...

You do NOT have to be physically present to help or support Mom, or anyone.

It's super important to know that all relationships come with pros and cons, complications and fulfillment... well, unless they don't which is a whole 'nother issue... nevertheless, it's vital we know what our standards and values are for the kind of life we want to experience and the kind of women we want to be.

Are you the kind of woman that wants to experience co-dependence at your detriment?

Or, are you the kind of woman that wants to experience mutually beneficial, interdependent relationships?

Interdepence to me is like humans and plants... they use our breath and we use theirs... we both benefit... they nourish us and we cultivate them with respect to support both our futures. We have a symbiotic relationship, not one that drains one of us while the other flourishes 'til the drained one dies in one way or another.

What are the fruits of your relationship?

Is healing this relationship a priority to you at this time in your life?

What would healing look or feel like to you?

If the relationship feels unbalanced in reciprocity, do you want that to change? How so?

You cannot change Mom. So how will you change instead?

Where or how do you refill your daily cup, so to speak?

Just as I would not expect my child nor my friend, etc., to tick every box of my wants and needs for relationship goals... I have many loved ones I connect with in different ways... what's one way you connect with Mom that DOES feel fulfilling? Can this be focused on or expanded upon? If there's genuinely not even ONE way to connect, consider your future; your desire for your one beautiful life as you make decisions moving forward.

Is it enough for you, personally?

If you find yourself complaining or feeling injured (re-injured), please re-evaluate YOUR motives in YOUR choices.

If it were impossible for you to feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of yourself, your life, your energy, your Purpose and for protecting yourself, what would you do from that sense of peace and freedom?

I'm wishing you, all of us, a beautiful new year filled with loving awareness, healing and freedom.

If you need shamanic support, feel free to call or text: 480-259-7140

May you feel cherished beyond your wildest dreams,

Theresa