I Didn't Come Here To Do What's Easy

...a self-relective not-poem by Theresa Gutierrez

· Wholeness,Self-Compassion,Self-Love,Self-Hatred,Healing

There are parts of me that are so easy to hate

But I didn't come here to do what's easy

Yes, maybe I've done something wretched

Or said someting I certainly shouldn't have

Or yeah

I fell apart completely and contemplated irreversible decisions

I breakdown sometimes

Who doesn't?

Should I hate those parts of me because others do?

More importantly

Where is all that shadow and bare bone coming from?

...and I remember the cries of my too small self

Facing death and tearing again...

How could I hate that child-sized part of me that feels too small to face the life in front of me now?

I came here to accomplish the difficult

I came here to love the hated pieces back to wholeness

I came to forgive the shamed with uninhibited embracing

It would be so easy to hate me

It takes almost no energy at all

But to love me, to hold compassion in my heart for every dark part

That requires the summoning of all the energy of my soul

A quiet attuned focus to hear the whispers of angels in my ears

And the memory of Home that I can't quite grasp

Echoing from deep within the core of me

I know It's waiting for me at the end of all this

Life

No. I didn't come here to do what's easy

I came here to love instead.